Can I just go at 35 MPH please?

April 14, 2026

I don’t walk through life. I wildly sprint like every dang problem is mine to solve. I go warp speed ahead, zipping around like a fruit fly, until I’m totally spent. Then I spend days lying on the couch huddled under my son’s old comforter trying to recover. No middle ground for me it seems. It’s 0 or 150mph.

Funny, since my name Anh is pronounced “on,” that I’m either on or off.

How do people just feel calm in the regular world. How is their hair not on fire, feeling an urgent need to make things happen? How are they not exhausted from all the effort?

I try a few tricks…. like walking more slowly to let my brain know it’s not flight or fight time. But usually, I get too impatient to get to where I’m going. I also try to remind myself to breathe or listen to the birds for a minute, but everything feels urgent. Like I’m an ER nurse or something. (But ER nurses ARE relaxed and calm…. that’s how they do a great job…. how did they figure out to do that??? Is there a crash course I can take?).

Do you know anyone like this? Do you have secret sauce ways to walk through the world like a calm person?

My funk music teacher, who is very chill, says we musicians should be “intensely laid back” while we play. Which I think is kind of like being super aware and in the moment but relaxed at the same time. Ha! Well I got the “intensely” part down, that’s for sure. But the “laid back?” What? How can you be “laid back” when all kinds of kooky stuff is happening in the world? How can you even be “laid back” as a singer when there are so many things to do right? Like hit the right note at the right time while dancing, holding the mic and hopefully looking kinda cute? I mean, that’s a LOT to keep track of. Can a “laid back” mind do that? All my life I’ve been using hyper adrenaline to get me through.

I think Funk Teacher is in touch with something I’ve yet to grasp – a faith that everything is gonna go well enough even if it doesn’t go right. Maybe it’s accepting that perfection isn’t attainable but making good music or a good hamburger or a good time is. Maybe it’s not all on me to make the world work. Maybe I’m just a glorious cog in a glorious machine. Maybe it’s like falling backwards into a crowd and trusting they’ll catch you.

I guess it’s letting go, which is my big goal of 2026. That odd balance of being engaged enough to be living a good life, adding something positive to the world, standing against things that ain’t kind, but having faith that everything is alright at the same time. What kind of crazy paradox is that? Well, it’s a paradox that people wiser than me have figured out. I’m not even sure how to practice it… maybe just to do a Sharon Salzberg thing and wish for myself:

May I be at ease.

May I feel peaceful.

May I feel joy.

May I trust.

May you too.

Love, Anh